Stumbling And Getting Back UP

Life is full of hurltal and pits and pendulums. Sometimes you can see all the bad things that happen you forget to look at the good much less stay focused on the things that you have to do.  That is what I am going through now.  I have always been a bit scattered.  You know, having to take the time and look, I mean really look. Now that a health crisis has been thrown into the mix with my life partner it is really a living hell.   Take this morning, I totally forgot to renew my website.  My bread and butter. My business. I got so engulfed with my life of being there for him that I forgot to do that simple task. I forgot a clients file at the studio. (That is something I never do) It has been like carry an arm load of things and stumbling and spilling all but a few.

What to do

Obviously I can’t change the health crisis. No amount of preparing for those things will ever make the burden any less. It consumes your mind and weighs heavily on it. Now obviously you have to prepare. Now when I say health crisis, I mean a life or death crisis. What we did:

We have a Family Trust. In short if he were to die things go on uninterrupted. There is no probate the trust kicks in and dictates the course of action on everything. Ask your attorney he can guide you.

We have a folder on all the Family Trust documents, life insurance etc. In order and easily found so that its available.

We have our hospital directive in place. What happens if….. A living will. Etc.

We have a message system that alerts family members what is going on with medical procedures so that we don’t have to explain all the time what is going on.

My Benovelent Dictator has even started writing his memoirs. As an attorney believe me he has had some real adventures. It keeps him busy and engaged.


Why Am I Writing About This

Well its simple. Everyone will go through this.  Death is something that people avoid. I know I have. The fear of loss is real. But that is it, the “fear”. Fear should not be guiding you through anything. It should be there to let you know when you are close to the edge but then you decide how to move. Fear is necessary but not in a leader position. The more things go unspoken about or unplanned for then the more fear will take over.

How Do I Incorporate This Darkenss Into Art

I draw life. I draw whimsy. I look into the light that I have collected as an artist and as a human, and I put it down on paper.  I do it everyday.  That is the reason that some things have fallen through the cracks.  I am dipping into my reserve. But….. and here is a big but. The more I dip into the reserve of light I have stored up, the more that it creates light and love and hope. The more the universe blesses me and inspires me to move forward. The more I am able to smile and hold his hand and walk with him through this valley. And hopefully he will heal. If not I will be able to be strong in the end. For it is his time to be in the spot light. It is his stage. And he should be able to take his final bow with the strength of his family applauding him for his life.

I love you all, Thank you for reading, Thank you for allowing me in your mind and harts for a while.

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Doing What I Love

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Dear friends,

Finding that one thing that you love is fulfilling, but what if you don’t know what that is?How can you find it with all the things that life throws at you? Between kids, food prep, errands, jobs, friends, family, health, how can you dig through all the chaos and find the things that make you happy? Believe me if I can, you can too. 

I used to go through life with blinders on; you know what I am talking about. You get so intrenched in a rut that you can’t see anything but the despair, or the chaos of the day. Time gets away and soon years have past and life is just something I was getting through. Just like when I was waiting to “get through” my children’s potty training stage or “get through” the holidays.

How can time slow down and we just start enjoying life? How can we just get a break from all the upheaval? You just have to start a little at a time. 

Waking up. 

I guess it was pretty late in life when I did wake up. When I stopped playing by the rules of others. I took a long look in the mirror and at the world around me, and decided not to play that game anymore. I only have one life and I am the one living it, and I wanted to be happy doing it. I wanted to look back at my life and say that I did make myself happy. You see, I figured out that people change the rules of what is acceptable to them, and that if you aren’t liked then chances are that is just how that is going to be. So how to start doing what I want and not what others think I should be doing? It all starts with me in the morning. I started waking up with one question. What do I want to do today? The want turned into intention and intention turned into action. I didn’t want to let myself down so I was constantly moving forward each day.

Writing it down.

Writing or blogging or making a list, journaling, whatever your niche is, do it. Just do it. Start to let those ideas flow. Get that minutia out of your head and on to the paper. Start removing that which doesn’t serve you, that which clogs your brain. Do it each and every day. After a while, you will see patterns and trails. You will start to form something that will eventually take shape. 

Celebrate the small things.

I celebrate the small things, things like a bath. I cater to the child in me; I serve her treats. I take time to listen to that inner-voice and make it stronger each day with meditation. I practice lucid dreaming before I even get out of the bed. I crave that time to hear my own thoughts and let them lead me to another adventure. 

Don’t let fear be in the driver seat. 

Don’t ever let fear be the dictator of you. Fear makes you do things you would NEVER, as a creative person, do. And yes, we are ALL creative. If you have ever decorated a house or bought a favorite shirt, you are creating. Fear steals your breath, your thoughts, and eventually your life. Worry is the mate of fear and regret follows. These are major obstacles. They should be in your writings, you should examine these like you would examine a rock when your panning for gold. That is what you’re doing, isn’t it? Looking for the value inside yourself. And if you expect to find that, you have to look INSIDE.

When you find your value… 

When you find your value, then what you’re going to do is celebrate and bring it to the outside, to a place that you can see it daily, that you can enjoy. What is that you ask? Well, it can be objects or photos, a journal or paintings. It can be clothing placed on your body a certain way, make up applied or hair fixed. It’s anything.


Don’t belittle yourself. 

One of the major things that I hear from others is the tearing down of one’s self. The constant “I’m sorry”; the “I have no formal education”, “people would laugh”, etc. [Insert excuse here]. Build yourself up instead. Look in the mirror and pay yourself a compliment a day, tell yourself that you love yourself, say something positive or grateful over your food, pour yourself an herbal tea and tell yourself that this is for a job well done. Thank your body for another day. Thank your memory for that joke or that remembered love.

I hope that you will think on yourself this week and that something may inspire you. Brew yourself some creative magic and share your light with the world. Until next time, stay awake and creative.